For a while now, I've felt that I should write about a certain difficult subject. It's not something that I would normally be so public about, but maybe there's someone out there who needs this. SO. Here we go.
While I was pregnant, I read several books, countless blog posts, and every article I could get my hands on about pregnancy, birth, and those first few months of parenthood. I learned a lot about everything from c sections to breastfeeding to jaundice. What I didn't learn enough about was postpartum depression.
My thoughts on the subject were that it only affected a select few moms and that it would manifest itself as just plain sadness or a feeling of disinterest in my child or life in general. I did know that after giving birth, my body would be trying to readjust all the hormones that had been surging through me for over 41 weeks, and that I was bound to be emotional. But I was not at all prepared for the feelings I actually experienced.
So first off, I want it to be clear that postpartum depression can be experienced many different ways by different women, and that some women have more severe cases than others.
This is my experience.
Less than a week after my son's birth, I started to feel really anxious and scared to be alone with my baby. My husband was working two jobs at the time and was therefore gone a lot. When he would leave for his graveyard shift, I would start to cry and hyperventilate. He was of course worried, and tried to console me, but I was not easily calmed. I was so confused. Was I not supposed to be overwhelmed with joy and complete happiness at having my brand new perfect baby here in my arms? Shouldn't my cheeks hurt from smiling? I didn't understand why I was feeling the way I did and I was embarrassed. While my hubby was working, my mom and sisters were so supportive, and would take turns actually sleeping over so that I wouldn't have to be alone at night. My sisters also came over during the day to watch movies with me, help around the house, and hold my little guy while I napped (they're pretty much amazing).
I can't remember exactly when, but I eventually realized this was not normal hormonal stuff. I woke up one morning when I had actually been alone all night with my son and I called my mom while I was holding my sleeping babe. Through my sobs I said, "There's something wrong with me." She said there was nothing 'wrong' with me and that what I was experiencing was postpartum depression. She also said that it was not uncommon at all. Most moms feel at least some degree of PPD but some don't even realize it.
Up to this point in my life, I had had very little experience with any kind of depression, and being told that I had PPD did not make me feel any better. However, my mom is a self taught essential oil guru, and knew of some oils I could use to lift my spirits and help me feel at peace. I also continued to take my prenatal vitamins that also had essential oils, and after just ONE day of using the oils, I could already feel a difference. A few weeks later I felt like I had passed through the worst of it and was on my way to feeling like myself again. I was able to enjoy being a new mommy and actually started to cherish my alone time with my son.
My experience with postpartum depression taught me a lot and my purpose in writing this post is to hopefully spread a little awareness about this very common, and even normal, condition. My case was not very severe, I never had thoughts of hurting myself or my child. If you have thoughts like these, seek a doctor's care immediately.
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