I'm going to be using this blog to write about subjects exclusive to motherhood. I'll write thoughts and experiences that emerge from my new found purpose in life and hope that they speak to someone..anyone..out there.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about breastfeeding. I don't write this with any intention of offending or belittling mothers who do not breastfeed. I know there are numerous reasons why a mother would choose not to nurse her baby and even more reasons, medical or otherwise, why mothers are simply unable to do so. My only intention is to convey my thoughts and feelings about the subject as a new mom and I hope that some new mom out there with tea bags on her nipples and tears in her eyes will read this and know that there is a light at the end of that painful tunnel.
I always knew I would breastfeed my children. Its what my mother did with me and what my sisters have done with their children. It was never a question, just a hope that everything would work out and I would be able to breastfeed without complication.
When my son was born, he latched on without trouble and nursed within the first 15 minutes after birth. It was an amazing and beautiful moment for me. I was so relieved and felt like I was getting a pretty good handle on things. Those first few days in the hospital, my little guy wanted to nurse every 1-1 1/2 hours. It was exhausting. Luckily I had really great nurses and was visited by a lactation consultant who all helped and gave encouragement when my nipples started getting sore and my son had a hard time getting a good latch.
The next few weeks were discouraging. While my milk came in a day after we arrived home, my son continued to nurse every 1-2 hours and my nipples were sore, cracked and even bled. I started to dread feedings, and showering? Forget it. Most painful thing ever. Except maybe labor. The point is, I wanted to give up. Why not just formula feed? Plenty of babies are formula fed from the start and they turn out just fine. Why go through all this pain and discomfort?
As a major side note here, my mom was my biggest cheerleader throughout this whole experience. I cried and cried and she gave me pep talks and made sure I was keeping up the the nipple cream. She just kept telling me it would get better and I tried my hardest to believe her.
Eventually (I would say when my son was about 5 weeks), it didn't hurt anymore. I learned to use a breast pump and was able to relieve myself when I was majorly engorged, and my son took to bottle feeding really well, which was a real relief because I knew I'd be going back to work. It was around this time that I started to really enjoy breastfeeding. I loved how comforting it was to my son and how close I felt as I held him and watched him drift off to sleep (which he often did). It became a comfort to me, as well, because I knew I was providing the best possible nourishment for my baby.
When I went back to work, I was able to take one break during my shift to pump, even though my son had two, sometimes three, feedings during that time. As a result of essentially "skipping" feedings, my milk supply started to reduce.
My son is four and a half months now, and my production is so low I'm only able to nurse him once, maybe twice, a day. He sleeps through most nights so there's no more midnight feedings, and we introduced formula a few months ago to supplement my own milk when I couldn't pump enough to keep up with his bottle feedings. I still pump once a day to try and keep my production up, but we've also started oatmeal cereal and applesauce, which my little man loves.
I miss nursing my son for every feeding, but my experiences have made me cherish every time I get to breastfeed him and I'm going to continue to nurse him as long as possible. It has become one of my favorite things about being a mommy.
So don't give up! If you're able to breastfeed your child, count it as a blessing and cherish those tender moments with just the two of you. You'll be glad you did.
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