For a while now, I've felt that I should write about a certain difficult subject. It's not something that I would normally be so public about, but maybe there's someone out there who needs this. SO. Here we go.
While I was pregnant, I read several books, countless blog posts, and every article I could get my hands on about pregnancy, birth, and those first few months of parenthood. I learned a lot about everything from c sections to breastfeeding to jaundice. What I didn't learn enough about was postpartum depression.
My thoughts on the subject were that it only affected a select few moms and that it would manifest itself as just plain sadness or a feeling of disinterest in my child or life in general. I did know that after giving birth, my body would be trying to readjust all the hormones that had been surging through me for over 41 weeks, and that I was bound to be emotional. But I was not at all prepared for the feelings I actually experienced.
So first off, I want it to be clear that postpartum depression can be experienced many different ways by different women, and that some women have more severe cases than others.
This is my experience.
Less than a week after my son's birth, I started to feel really anxious and scared to be alone with my baby. My husband was working two jobs at the time and was therefore gone a lot. When he would leave for his graveyard shift, I would start to cry and hyperventilate. He was of course worried, and tried to console me, but I was not easily calmed. I was so confused. Was I not supposed to be overwhelmed with joy and complete happiness at having my brand new perfect baby here in my arms? Shouldn't my cheeks hurt from smiling? I didn't understand why I was feeling the way I did and I was embarrassed. While my hubby was working, my mom and sisters were so supportive, and would take turns actually sleeping over so that I wouldn't have to be alone at night. My sisters also came over during the day to watch movies with me, help around the house, and hold my little guy while I napped (they're pretty much amazing).
I can't remember exactly when, but I eventually realized this was not normal hormonal stuff. I woke up one morning when I had actually been alone all night with my son and I called my mom while I was holding my sleeping babe. Through my sobs I said, "There's something wrong with me." She said there was nothing 'wrong' with me and that what I was experiencing was postpartum depression. She also said that it was not uncommon at all. Most moms feel at least some degree of PPD but some don't even realize it.
Up to this point in my life, I had had very little experience with any kind of depression, and being told that I had PPD did not make me feel any better. However, my mom is a self taught essential oil guru, and knew of some oils I could use to lift my spirits and help me feel at peace. I also continued to take my prenatal vitamins that also had essential oils, and after just ONE day of using the oils, I could already feel a difference. A few weeks later I felt like I had passed through the worst of it and was on my way to feeling like myself again. I was able to enjoy being a new mommy and actually started to cherish my alone time with my son.
My experience with postpartum depression taught me a lot and my purpose in writing this post is to hopefully spread a little awareness about this very common, and even normal, condition. My case was not very severe, I never had thoughts of hurting myself or my child. If you have thoughts like these, seek a doctor's care immediately.
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Wednesday, March 4, 2015
Things I "Gave Up" to Become a Young Mother
According to most, I am what you'd call a young mother. Actually, by Utah standards, its pretty average and even normal to be a mom by age 23. Still, I feel a sort of need to justify or explain myself and I'm not sure why. Maybe because I have friends my age who have chosen a different path and seem to think becoming a parent would somehow slow them down or hold them back from achieving their dreams and goals.
Here are some things I "gave up" to become a mom at 23. Or, rather, here are a few things one might choose instead of becoming a young parent:
1. A college degree. No, I do not have a bachelor's degree. I earned an Associate's of Science from a community college and am currently doing an online program through US Career Institute so that I can one day work from home. I changed my major 4 times in college. It took me longer than usual to decide what would make me happy for the rest of my life but I did eventually figure it out. And you know what that is? Being a mom.
2. Expensive and exotic vacations. Since being married, my hubby and I have taken a total of ONE vacation together. It was a road trip to Montana last summer when I was pregnant and it will forever be one of my fondest memories. We stayed at a bed a breakfast, slept in every day, ate awesome food, explored tons of nature, and took a billion pictures. Would it be fun to fly to Disneyland every 3 months? Yes. Would I love to go on a cruise? Of course. But those things are not necessary. I'd rather save up and take my kids on vacations that we can all enjoy and that they will always remember.
3. A substantial savings account. It's no secret that children cost money. They go through hundreds of diapers, burn through formula, stain all of their clothes, and we're still trying to payoff hospital bills from our son's birth 5 months ago. My husband and I both work and we do everything we can to make ends meet, but it still doesn't leave a lot of extra cash at the end of the month. What's great is that we always have enough. We always have food and shelter and we're so happy. And that's enough for me.
4. A full time job/career. I've been blessed with a really great job, but I only work part time. I really like what I do for the first time...ever. And it's true, I could be making more money and would have advanced farther faster if I worked full time. But when it comes to choosing between a larger paycheck or time with my baby, its not a difficult decision for me. I wouldn't trade time with my son for a million dollars.
I'm not sure how this came across, and I'm too tired to go back and rework this entire post, but what I really want to say is that you can do all of these things and still have a family. Yes, it takes more work and sometimes more time, but don't think of having children as a setback. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything because I had a baby. Having a family is such a rewarding thing and raising children brings with it so much love and happiness. Choose what is best for you, but don't sell yourself short either. We were made to be families, and it is within families that we will find the most joy and fulfillment.
Here are some things I "gave up" to become a mom at 23. Or, rather, here are a few things one might choose instead of becoming a young parent:
1. A college degree. No, I do not have a bachelor's degree. I earned an Associate's of Science from a community college and am currently doing an online program through US Career Institute so that I can one day work from home. I changed my major 4 times in college. It took me longer than usual to decide what would make me happy for the rest of my life but I did eventually figure it out. And you know what that is? Being a mom.
2. Expensive and exotic vacations. Since being married, my hubby and I have taken a total of ONE vacation together. It was a road trip to Montana last summer when I was pregnant and it will forever be one of my fondest memories. We stayed at a bed a breakfast, slept in every day, ate awesome food, explored tons of nature, and took a billion pictures. Would it be fun to fly to Disneyland every 3 months? Yes. Would I love to go on a cruise? Of course. But those things are not necessary. I'd rather save up and take my kids on vacations that we can all enjoy and that they will always remember.
3. A substantial savings account. It's no secret that children cost money. They go through hundreds of diapers, burn through formula, stain all of their clothes, and we're still trying to payoff hospital bills from our son's birth 5 months ago. My husband and I both work and we do everything we can to make ends meet, but it still doesn't leave a lot of extra cash at the end of the month. What's great is that we always have enough. We always have food and shelter and we're so happy. And that's enough for me.
4. A full time job/career. I've been blessed with a really great job, but I only work part time. I really like what I do for the first time...ever. And it's true, I could be making more money and would have advanced farther faster if I worked full time. But when it comes to choosing between a larger paycheck or time with my baby, its not a difficult decision for me. I wouldn't trade time with my son for a million dollars.
I'm not sure how this came across, and I'm too tired to go back and rework this entire post, but what I really want to say is that you can do all of these things and still have a family. Yes, it takes more work and sometimes more time, but don't think of having children as a setback. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything because I had a baby. Having a family is such a rewarding thing and raising children brings with it so much love and happiness. Choose what is best for you, but don't sell yourself short either. We were made to be families, and it is within families that we will find the most joy and fulfillment.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
Breastfeeding: My Woes and Rewards
I'm going to be using this blog to write about subjects exclusive to motherhood. I'll write thoughts and experiences that emerge from my new found purpose in life and hope that they speak to someone..anyone..out there.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about breastfeeding. I don't write this with any intention of offending or belittling mothers who do not breastfeed. I know there are numerous reasons why a mother would choose not to nurse her baby and even more reasons, medical or otherwise, why mothers are simply unable to do so. My only intention is to convey my thoughts and feelings about the subject as a new mom and I hope that some new mom out there with tea bags on her nipples and tears in her eyes will read this and know that there is a light at the end of that painful tunnel.
I always knew I would breastfeed my children. Its what my mother did with me and what my sisters have done with their children. It was never a question, just a hope that everything would work out and I would be able to breastfeed without complication.
When my son was born, he latched on without trouble and nursed within the first 15 minutes after birth. It was an amazing and beautiful moment for me. I was so relieved and felt like I was getting a pretty good handle on things. Those first few days in the hospital, my little guy wanted to nurse every 1-1 1/2 hours. It was exhausting. Luckily I had really great nurses and was visited by a lactation consultant who all helped and gave encouragement when my nipples started getting sore and my son had a hard time getting a good latch.
The next few weeks were discouraging. While my milk came in a day after we arrived home, my son continued to nurse every 1-2 hours and my nipples were sore, cracked and even bled. I started to dread feedings, and showering? Forget it. Most painful thing ever. Except maybe labor. The point is, I wanted to give up. Why not just formula feed? Plenty of babies are formula fed from the start and they turn out just fine. Why go through all this pain and discomfort?
As a major side note here, my mom was my biggest cheerleader throughout this whole experience. I cried and cried and she gave me pep talks and made sure I was keeping up the the nipple cream. She just kept telling me it would get better and I tried my hardest to believe her.
Eventually (I would say when my son was about 5 weeks), it didn't hurt anymore. I learned to use a breast pump and was able to relieve myself when I was majorly engorged, and my son took to bottle feeding really well, which was a real relief because I knew I'd be going back to work. It was around this time that I started to really enjoy breastfeeding. I loved how comforting it was to my son and how close I felt as I held him and watched him drift off to sleep (which he often did). It became a comfort to me, as well, because I knew I was providing the best possible nourishment for my baby.
When I went back to work, I was able to take one break during my shift to pump, even though my son had two, sometimes three, feedings during that time. As a result of essentially "skipping" feedings, my milk supply started to reduce.
My son is four and a half months now, and my production is so low I'm only able to nurse him once, maybe twice, a day. He sleeps through most nights so there's no more midnight feedings, and we introduced formula a few months ago to supplement my own milk when I couldn't pump enough to keep up with his bottle feedings. I still pump once a day to try and keep my production up, but we've also started oatmeal cereal and applesauce, which my little man loves.
I miss nursing my son for every feeding, but my experiences have made me cherish every time I get to breastfeed him and I'm going to continue to nurse him as long as possible. It has become one of my favorite things about being a mommy.
So don't give up! If you're able to breastfeed your child, count it as a blessing and cherish those tender moments with just the two of you. You'll be glad you did.
Recently I've been thinking a lot about breastfeeding. I don't write this with any intention of offending or belittling mothers who do not breastfeed. I know there are numerous reasons why a mother would choose not to nurse her baby and even more reasons, medical or otherwise, why mothers are simply unable to do so. My only intention is to convey my thoughts and feelings about the subject as a new mom and I hope that some new mom out there with tea bags on her nipples and tears in her eyes will read this and know that there is a light at the end of that painful tunnel.
I always knew I would breastfeed my children. Its what my mother did with me and what my sisters have done with their children. It was never a question, just a hope that everything would work out and I would be able to breastfeed without complication.
When my son was born, he latched on without trouble and nursed within the first 15 minutes after birth. It was an amazing and beautiful moment for me. I was so relieved and felt like I was getting a pretty good handle on things. Those first few days in the hospital, my little guy wanted to nurse every 1-1 1/2 hours. It was exhausting. Luckily I had really great nurses and was visited by a lactation consultant who all helped and gave encouragement when my nipples started getting sore and my son had a hard time getting a good latch.
The next few weeks were discouraging. While my milk came in a day after we arrived home, my son continued to nurse every 1-2 hours and my nipples were sore, cracked and even bled. I started to dread feedings, and showering? Forget it. Most painful thing ever. Except maybe labor. The point is, I wanted to give up. Why not just formula feed? Plenty of babies are formula fed from the start and they turn out just fine. Why go through all this pain and discomfort?
As a major side note here, my mom was my biggest cheerleader throughout this whole experience. I cried and cried and she gave me pep talks and made sure I was keeping up the the nipple cream. She just kept telling me it would get better and I tried my hardest to believe her.
Eventually (I would say when my son was about 5 weeks), it didn't hurt anymore. I learned to use a breast pump and was able to relieve myself when I was majorly engorged, and my son took to bottle feeding really well, which was a real relief because I knew I'd be going back to work. It was around this time that I started to really enjoy breastfeeding. I loved how comforting it was to my son and how close I felt as I held him and watched him drift off to sleep (which he often did). It became a comfort to me, as well, because I knew I was providing the best possible nourishment for my baby.
When I went back to work, I was able to take one break during my shift to pump, even though my son had two, sometimes three, feedings during that time. As a result of essentially "skipping" feedings, my milk supply started to reduce.
My son is four and a half months now, and my production is so low I'm only able to nurse him once, maybe twice, a day. He sleeps through most nights so there's no more midnight feedings, and we introduced formula a few months ago to supplement my own milk when I couldn't pump enough to keep up with his bottle feedings. I still pump once a day to try and keep my production up, but we've also started oatmeal cereal and applesauce, which my little man loves.
I miss nursing my son for every feeding, but my experiences have made me cherish every time I get to breastfeed him and I'm going to continue to nurse him as long as possible. It has become one of my favorite things about being a mommy.
So don't give up! If you're able to breastfeed your child, count it as a blessing and cherish those tender moments with just the two of you. You'll be glad you did.
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